Father's Day

I started doing this questionnaire last year for Father's Day - Here are the boys answers to this year's questions. (G=Garrett/C=Connor)

1. What superhero is dad?
C-He’s a soldier.
G-Being his self.

2. What is your favorite thing to do with dad?
C-Save the world
G-Just be with him.

3. What does dad do?
C-Work
G-Love me.

4. What traits do you have that are like dad?
C-Play sports well like daddy
G-A lot – too many to answer.

5. What is daddy’s favorite treat?
C-Nothing
G-Oreo.

6. What is daddy’s favorite food?
C-Chicken
G-Chicken

7. What makes dad really mad?
C-Using bad words
G-Me not listening

8. What is your favorite thing about dad?
C-He’s nice to me.
G-Just him!

9. What is dad’s middle name?
C-Maclin????
G-I don’t know.

10. What is the funniest thing about dad?
C-He’s weird!
G-When I beat him in Halo.

The New Style Jingle Bells

Hey there!

Well I guess I should apologize for being out of touch. I’d love to say I’ll be better but I have a feeling it’ll be up & down as to my blog entries. Or, maybe my kids just aren’t as funny as I first thought J

So life has been busy over the last month. Work has been rather consuming and depressing but I think I see light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. Either that or it’s the freight train coming to hit me. Between work, kids, job, hobby, kids sports….well I find myself just wanting to lay around and become sloth-like. If it weren’t for my kids right now - as they pull me in 42 directions everyday - I’d probably weight 400lbs and know all the key characters to all reality shows!

Perhaps it’s time to get funny. Garrett these days is Mr. Mature. He likes to try to help “correct” his brother’s erroneous ways. He likes to get his homework done before getting home – while he’s in after care. He’s been asking his dad and me to make sure we help him now and in the future with his school work. He’s trying new foods without being asked or beaten over his head. He said he is involved in the right sports because he now wants to go to the Naval Academy and they are looking for swimmers, runners, lacrosse players and triathletes. Ok then! Where the **** did this come from? He’s always been an amazing kid but this has been killing me. So, just when I come to the realization that my child has been taken and replaced by an adult, he pulled a fast one on me. I recently got a new phone. I picked a Droid (similar to an iPhone) and it’s great. It has all these little perks on it, one of which is installing Apps. The apps (this is for you mom) is an application that you can download into your phone, like games, news sites, horoscopes, etc. It’s pretty cool. Well I decided to download the Droid Fart. That’s right…I downloaded an App that makes fart noises. Now don’t ride me on this one. We all know farting is funny!!!! Who doesn’t laugh at them? You just hope it’s not you that lets it rip accidently! But it’s funny when anyone else does it. I remember my grandma from Oz bent over and let one slip and I didn’t think my mom or I would ever be able to breathe again as we laughed so hard!!! So…what does this have to do with Garrett you ask? I showed him the App and he loved it. I had also added some games so I gave him my phone so he could play them. About an hour later he gave the phone back to me and informed me that a telemarketer had called and he had answered the phone. I was a little surprised but asked him what he said. He then pushed the Droid Fart app and out came farting noises to the music of Jingle Bells. He explained that the telemarketer got to listen to this new and exciting version of Jingle Bells. Go Garrett! If a telemarketer is calling me at 8:00pm then I’m glad he heard farts of all types! However, I found out later when my phone rang…that he had set my ringtone to the same musical. Nice! Thank goodness it rang at home instead of out and about. I can only imagine what some of my accounts would have thought had they heard that. You never know – maybe it would’ve increased my sales as they would’ve felt sorry for me out of embarrassment. If nothing else they certainly would’ve remembered me!

My lesson for the day – do not leave your child unattended with your phone. They’re smarter than us with these things!

Seeking Self-Esteem!

Have you ever wondered what your kids really think of you or what they see when they look at you? I remember when I did the Ironman Florida in November. Thinking of my kids helped me get through it. I also felt I was being a good example to them in regards to being a strong, healthy mom. Someone who had a goal and saw it to the finish. When Ken was running all over the marathon course trying to see me, I would see the kids and get so excited and they would pump me up regardless of how bad I felt. On the run course the first time I saw all my guys they were together. They next time I saw them Garrett was restless. The third time Garrett was no where around (he was in the car playing his DS) but Ken and Connor were still there. The final time it was just Ken as Connor had passed out and Garrett was still playing his DS. When I finished, Connor was still out cold and as I leaned into Garrett to get my kiss, he looked like he was in the flight or fight mode. Months later I asked them both what they thought of mommy doing the race. Connor said it was too long and boring – he said nothing about me! And Garrett said at the end he wasn’t sure if I was going to puke on him, I was all smelly and sweaty and he didn’t want me anywhere near him. That’s it – that’s all I got out of that experience.

So here we are 6 months later and I’m dealing with a 5 year old who is killing my self-esteem. He thinks he’s funny but he’s keeps asking me if I know I’m fat. He’ll say, “mom, you know you’re chunky right?!” When I tell him I know, he then proceeds to say, “well you are – your belly jiggles a LOT!” Thanks kid! He then likes to follow it up by telling me I look old. Now I’m not saying I always look the best but give me a little room here buddy. Truth is, I am old but he doesn’t need to remind me. The final blow is when he thinks he’s being off the chart funny and wants a reaction from me. He’ll peep around the corner, put up the “L” with his fingers and call me a Loser. Isn’t that nice?! Of course I chase him and it’s all funny but I think I’m just chasing my self-esteem at this point. I wonder if I hold him down and tickle him if he'll relinquish and tell me I’m gorgeous, beautiful, young and the most rockin mom ever. Doubt it but a girl has to have a dream.

Now there’s Garrett. He's just in his own world these days. We’re always talking and hanging out and I still feel like we’re really close. Well Friday night I was at the dermatologist getting some of my brown spots frozen so they’d fall off and I’d have fewer brown spots (see what Connor has done to me J). What happens is the brown spots that are frozen end up getting about 10 times darker. It looks awful – kind of like I have some kind of skin disorder. I made sure to explain it to any adult I had to come into contact with over the weekend. I didn’t want them running for the woods thinking I had leprosy. So here we are on Monday night. I’m picking up Garrett from after-care and as we’re walking out, he looks at me, stops and says, “Mom, what’s all over your face?” I mean are you kidding me? These spots have been there for 4 days and you’re just noticing them now? Did you look at me at all the last 4 days? What's up with that?!

I guess the bottom line is kids see us in their own special way! I can’t always say I love what they tell me nor is it what I’d like them to see but it is what it is! Self-esteem here I come.

Mash Potatoes & the Moon

So it’s been a bit since my last entry. Sometimes I just feel like life is moving at warp speed. Way to fast for even “Scottie” to beam me in. I just miss the ship completely. I guess that’s why I was in a poor mood the other night. It had been one of those days where things were busy and the kids who although were good, were crazy and talkative and just plain loud all day. I think my patience and tolerance had dipped but boy I had no idea how low.

I made dinner – meatloaf, garlic bread and mash potatoes. Garrett has always been a difficult kid when it comes to food. He eats from the beige food group and if it falls outside of that little known food group – come hell or high water it’s a knock down, thrown down of a show to get him to eat it. We decided several years ago to have the 1 bite rule. Deal is you take one bite and if you don’t like it you don’t have to eat it. It helps in getting Garrett to just try things. It can still be a struggle but he’ll usually at least take one bite. Well – not tonight. You’d think he’d have had issues with the meatloaf since it’s not really beige – nope, it was the mash potatoes. This was one of those moments where I just thought he must be messing with me. What kid doesn’t like or won’t at least try mash potatoes????? Come on – it’s a French fry mushed up. Seriously!!! Well these mashed potatoes had cheese in them and that was his issue. So here we are at dinner, I’m already in a piss poor mood, I’ve spent the last ½ hour making dinner and it’s Sunday night – our family round the table, spread the love time. Ken’s eating, Connor is devouring, and Garrett and I are just staring at each other. Then the tears well up in his eyes and it’s as if I asked him to kill the dog or something. Total emotion. Bottom line – he still needs to take a bite. It’s like a power play…if you give in over this then he’ll work you next time as well. To make a long story short, over much drama Garrett finally took a bite, promptly told us it was disgusting and spit it in the trash. Now I’m just pissed! I got up from the table, grabbed all the plates off the table, condiments, drinks, slammed everything in the sink for cleaning, opened and closed (loudly) all cabinets and doors while putting things away. Yup, I threw my own tantrum. Ken told Garrett he needed to apologize. Garrett looks at me and said he was sorry. You know what went through my head – that I wanted to tell him, “Whatever!” I just didn’t care, I was too mad. He later came up and apologized again, in earnest and I still didn’t want to accept it. So where is the funny in all of this? It dawned on me. Who was the real 5 yr old in the house? It wasn’t Ken (age 41), it wasn’t Connor (age 5), it wasn’t even Garrett (age 9) – it was me! Ha! They say that kids make you feel young again…uh huh! They sure do!

On a much lighter and truly funny note we have a story from our little Connor. Last night after the bath he wanted to get into his skull & crossbones robe. He cracks me up running around in this thing. It’s black with white skulls & bones on it. I think Connor thinks he’s a toughie in it. Ken put him to bed and instead of wearing having Connor wear his PJ’s, he asked to stay in his robe and Ken let him. Well at about 5am this morning, our little man came stumbling in our room and hopped into bed. I left at around 5:45 to go swim and left Ken and Connor snuggled together holding hands (a requirement from Connor when he gets in our bed). When I got home, Ken told me that when he woke up, Connor had turned himself around in the bed and so that his head was at Ken’s feet and Connor’s butt (bare underneath the robe) was exposed and in Ken’s face! Nothing like a morning moon to get you going!

Little man. Big Laughs.

Little Connor strikes again. The thing that makes this kid so funny is the innocence he brings to it all. Some times he is down right hilarious and he knows it. Most of the time he has no clue what he said or did but it has me walking away trying not to laugh. Yesterday we got home from school and he was very excited to tell me about a game he made up. He went through all of the details i.e., who can play, how to play, how to score. He called it “The Ball Game”. And with his face all earnest, he grabs himself (as it comes so naturally to the male species) and said, “Mommy not the wiener balls though. I’m talking about the regular round balls.” Bring on the game my son :P

The other story has to do with the rise and shine time. This morning was the urination hustle as poor Connor had an accident. He and the bed were drenched at 6:30am. Garrett had to tell me though because Connor just stayed in bed and laid in it. Not sure what that was all about. So prior to work we had to clean the little fella and put all the bedding in the washer to make sure we had clean sheets to come home to. That isn't the part that was so funny. It was the reminder of the last accident he had. Over the summer he pee’d the bed, woke up, came stumbling in the room with his eyes all puffy from sleep, scratching his head and his hair all askew and asked who "sweated all over him". I love that one! At least I know it wasn’t me.

Wish it were always so

I’m sure everyone who is reading this has at one time or another witnessed children in their purest and sweetest essence. Well I again saw that this weekend. First it started with a Friday night, after school trip to Subway for dinner. I was feeling a tad lazy myself and just didn’t feel like cooking. When I told the boys my plan they were beyond excited. Now let’s be honest, Subway is good but I don’t think “excited” is the word I’d use for a night out at the big S. It first started with Garrett asking me if I knew how to order food at Subway. Well of course I do. For Garrett it was going to be a 12inch, meatball sub on white. When I spoke this out loud (to show my ordering abilities), I was quickly informed that I was wrong and didn’t know how to speak “Subway”. Really?! Garrett then promptly yelled out the order and left me standing there in my ignorance. From there, he had to stand on the side of the ordering area so he could see the meatballs coming out of the little container they store them in. His eyes are wide, as if he was seeing Santa coming down the chimney. The guy scooping them into the bread was trying not to laugh. He then asked Garrett which specific meatballs he wanted. Garrett knew his desired meatballs and pointed to the largest of course! After getting our subs, the boys wanted to dine in. What a lovely dinner experience, to dine in at Subway. Truth be told we weren’t there long as Garrett was done with his 12 incher in 4 minutes. Needless to say the house didn’t smell too pleasant later that evening – but who cares, my boy had the time of his life.

The other stories really aren’t as funny as they are sweet. Both boys had play dates this weekend. Gotta love play dates – wear my kid out would ya?! Garrett’s play date was with his good friend Carson. Carson is a girl. I love her. She’s a tough cookie, could probably kick my tush anytime but is sweeter than molasses. She makes cards for Garrett, gave him a flower after a violin recital and is just a good natured kid. Well what I love is that one of his really good friends is a girl! How cool. I’m sure he’ll start to get crap about it within a year or two. Hopefully I can give him enough self-esteem along the way to stay true to himself and his friends.

On Connor’s side, his play date was with his friend Josh. Josh is in Connor’s Kindergarten class and has Downs Syndrome. You know, Connor doesn’t even notice. He just isn’t aware that Josh doesn’t speak as well as the other kids or that he’s a little bigger because he’s older. He just knows Josh is his friend and likes Star Wars, Lego’s and sword battle just like Connor does. At the end of their play date they were hugging each other and couldn’t wait to get together again.

Could you imagine if we stayed as pure and innocent within adulthood as we were as children? Life would be sweet.

On another funny note, I do have a funny story but since my husband is involved, he has banned me from putting it in the blog. So, if you want to hear it, you have to call me and ask about the “cracker races”. I’ll be waiting to hear from you……..

Snow, Smells & Smarts

Well it’s been quite a ride the last week and half. Our weather has been insane as most of you know. It’s now Monday and we were snowed in since Friday. I must say the kids have been great and have been having a blast but it’s still 4 long days stuck in the house with little stinky people! Now don’t think I’m being mean by calling them stinky – it’s just the facts! My laundry room, which is where everyone comes in from outside, smells like something died. I think I did! Ugh. Seriously, I can’t even describe the odor emanating from this little room. It’s a combo of sweat, dirty shoes, socks, and that BOY smell. There isn’t enough Febreeze to cover it up!!!! Even when I close the door to the room, it wafts out under the door and into my kitchen. I have my trusted candle burning but it’s not doing the trick. If anyone has suggestions I’m all yours!

This weather and being snowed in has turned people! You know when the nice guy next door starts using his truck as a battering ram from his driveway actually thinking he can batter his way from his house to the main road – which is at least ½ mile! Poor guy. He needed out. Ken was ready to walk the ½ mile in waist high snow to have his boss pick him up on the street and take him to work. The funny thing was watching Connor. Both boys have been running full steam (which is why my laundry room stinks – of course). Garrett seems to pace himself or at least handles his exhaustion a bit better. Connor on the other hand just goes and goes and then either falls apart or collapses. Well last night it was 9pm and we decided to let the boys stay up as school was cancelled. All I can say is Connor crossed over to the dark side! He started yelling at me he needed a juice…yelling, not asking. I said no as he teeth were brushed and no juice after 8pm. Then he flipped out. I told him to come down stairs so I could talk to him. I opened the fridge and showed him the juice and explained the sugar and the cavity scenario thinking this would make sense. I then grabbed flavored water but accidently dropped it on the floor. Within 2 seconds, Connor’s eyes went wild. Like he was a hunted animal or something. He looked at me, then in a flash, grabbed the water from the floor, pulled it to his chest (so no one could get it) then ran off all hunched over and looking over his shoulder. He looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame…What was that, my son?! I couldn’t even tell him no to the drink because I was a puddle on the floor laughing. The snow turned him! And then there’s the story about my neighbor’s kid. He has a sister and I wouldn’t say they’re best buds, but…. Ken watched them today and said they were walking in the snow and he just took his sister’s head and pushed it in the snow! So NOT nice! What happened to winter wonderland?! The snow turned him! I had the kids at Target and it was packed. I couldn’t seem to get Garrett or Connor to understand they either needed to walk behind me to stay out of the way or get in the cart. I won’t tell you how I acted but I will say the snow turned me!

We also decided that kids aren’t too bright! It seems as if they only hear you when they are expecting a response from you that they think will work in their favor. Otherwise – you’re SOL. Don’t bother. Ken had been yelling at the kids to not walk on the patio table (helllooo – it could break), don’t walk on the highest rung of the playground (hellooo, you my fall and break your arm) and then there was the neighbor’s kid – his was the best. He decided to sled from the top of the built up plowed snow into the cul-de-sac, WHILE the plows were still plowing!!!! Or how bout how the kids decided to follow our dog Kona like a bunch of lemmings. There they go trotting along…where will Kona take us. All of a sudden, kids are running and yelling as Kona just wanted to walk somewhere private to take a poop. Poor Kona – I should’ve warned you, kids just aren’t too bright sometimes.

Well that’s it for now. More snow to come tomorrow so perhaps some additional snow stories from the kids. Either that or I will have lost my mind and sense of humor and NOTHING will be funny!!!!!!!

So it's been quite a week away from the boys. It's always so hard to travel but I know they've had fun with Daddy!

Just a couple of funnies to add to the list from this weekend. The first would come from my most lovely and sweet 5 yr old. We had a nice snow storm yesterday and by 2pm it was time for the kids to go out and play. I hung in my office to follow up on work as well as watch the kids from the window. After about an hour of play, Connor came to the front door (and of course was covered head to toe in snow). I can't even remember what he wanted but I said no. He threw a little fit and and I said no again. He was even pathetically and insincerely sweet by begging using the word please but the answer was still no. At this point he snapped and started telling me he hated me! Well after 2 weeks away from the kids I snapped too and started getting angry telling him that we don't talk like that in this house and certainly not to his mother. It got a little quite and I turned back to my computer assuming he would go out to play since he lost the battle. I then started to hear something which continued to get louder. As I turned around it was Connor peaking around the open front door saying "I still doooo (i.e. Hate you), I still doooo....I still do000...." Well momma put her ugly face on got up and yelled "Connor" to which point all I saw as ass and elbows running out the door back out into the snow. It was too funny. If any of you remember the Friends episode where Phoebe teaches Rachel how to run - same visual!

On Sunday, I decided to take the kids to a movie to give Hubby a little down time. We picked up one of Garrett's best buddies - who will go by J. J is quite the funny kid but today he had me beside myself. So he hops in the car and off we go. About a mile into driving he says, "I declare at 1:10". Not knowing what that meant I asked. He responded by telling me that he knew at 1:10 he was going to fart. Well true to his word he did which then required all windows going down in the car regardless of the fact it was 20 degrees outside. All the boys are laughing, I have tears running down my face only to have everything compounded by him saying it smelled like something was burned and then he looked at himself in my rear view mirror and said, "No you diiin't!" ps-he's 9!

Enjoy the evening. Hope nothing smells like it's burning in your house....

Zero

Nothing new to report. Nada. Zero - kids are boring. Ha! Actually I was away all of last week and only had Saturday and Sunday of this past weekend. Then I'm off again for another week away. I'm just glad they still remember me when I get home and have lots of hugs and kisses for me!

Not much to add today as I'm away from the kids this week for work. However, I'd like to recap my family when sick.

Last week all three of my men (the 2 little ones and the big one-hubby) got the 24hr GI bug. It wasn't pretty. This is how it went down

Hubby - while sick had to have his zip up hoodie on his head at all times.
Connor - was sad and needed to be snuggled all day
Garrett - completely fell apart saying he hated his life, couldn't live if it went on, nobody's life was this bad.... I would like to now apologize to his future wife knowing how this comeapart will be his "sick MOA" as an adult. Future wife - please know I tried my hardest. I'm sorry!

Also - kids decided that since I can never get their names right that I should just refer to them as Gonnor (combo of Garrett & Connor). Good idea!

Yesterday's brilliant conversations -

Took the boys to see the new kids movie with Jackie Chan. Garrett (9yr) wanted to know why I needed my glasses during the movie since the screen is sooooooo biggggg! Ouch! Maybe because I'm oldddddd!

Connor (5yr) on the other hand had to know "where did your bagina come from? Italy?" Nope. "Mexico?" Nope. Keep guessing kid.

Connor also informed me that he can now spell Oh My G-d. When I asked how - he said OMG. Almost there sweetie!

Tick...Tick....Tick....

Hey everyone-I'd like to start by saying how my kids are the center of my universe. They make me laugh pretty much everyday. I think they make me cry everyday as well - as any parent will understand. However, day to day...I think my kids are hilarious. Now perhaps it's because I'm slightly off my rocker to begin with and my sense of humor might not be conventional! Who knows. What I do know is that my attempt at keeping a blog is truly to capture the light and funny of my life with kids. I can't guarantee that an opportunity for "venting" might not find it's way to this blog....but I'll do my best!

So I'm starting with my story from Friday night. It had been a long week. I had been home-schooling myself for a new product which I will be promoting in 2 weeks. The week left me feeling way less than bright. Dingy, dull, done... are all better descriptions of my mental capabilities from the week. Needless to say, I guess I wasn't at the top of my parenting game in terms of patience or understanding.

I got the boys home from picking the boys up from school, fed them, bathed them, etc and sat down to get a 10 minute check on email. All of a sudden my 9yr old decided he wanted to start his research for a school project. OK - this is good, he's a go-getter, let's get r done! Well he had to research Africa. Not a country within Africa - the entire continent. Huh?! So, we google, Wikepedia, Bing and move right along.

Now let me begin to paint this pic for you. My kids, love to be naked. I figure let them be free...why not. I'm assuming they won't have this naked love when they're 16 so let them have it now. Should we have it when they're 16, this blog might read a lot different! Needless to say, my 9yr old is naked and hanging all over my desk. Ugh! He had also brought a huge bowl of popcorn with him. I decided it was going to be a long night of research and I needed a kernel or two. I guessed wrong. My son felt that he could not possibly spare even 1, half-popped kernel. We had a little "come to Jesus" conversation on how Mommy/Daddy pay for the popcorn so really it's ours. He needed to pony up and share! Ok, problem solved. As we move forward in getting our epic homework done, my 5yr old came in. He is in Kindergarten but a very young kindergartner. We have struggled throughout the year but all of a sudden he's showing interest in working on his spelling. Yea Haw! Here he comes - wanting to write a this note to his cousin. "Mommy, can you spell - Aidan, if you get this note, you need to come and see me so we can get started on playing right away. This is very important." Wow. I tried to explain to him that I would help him, once I finished with helping my older son figure out everything there was to know about Africa! Connor (5yr old) proceeded to tell me I was the worst mother ever because I made him wait. Nice! Meanwhile, my older son (Garrett) is subtly picking his nose and eating it - thinking I didn't notice. Aren't you suppose to be over that at 9?!

At this point, I left the room. Couldn't take it, didn't want to take it, why should I have to take it ANYMORE! I walked out and tried to find a quite place in the house - just for a minute (please). I was them quickly mauled by my 2 dogs who thought they spotted a friend in need. NOOOOOO. This is when something in my head started to go, tick...tick...tick....

Well, I solved my issues and I did it in beautiful fashion. I found myself some amazing dark chocolate and peanut butter and went to town. One full chocolate bar and half a jar of peanut butter and the old me had returned! Back to the office with my naked, nose-picking son joined by my epic spelling little fella.

Looking back visualizing that moment had me laughing. I'm still searching for my mental marbles from that day. Not sure where they went. Should someone find them, please send them back ASAP! Wasn't given a large amount to start with so I need to keep as many of mine as I can!

I figure it's truly the little moments in life that make you giggle. My little moments are my little people!